An insight of a daughter. The Willingness to become my being.

The theory of Dr. Murray Bowen’s family system informs my perspective on the importance of natural science and familial relationships.

It has helped me understand that the connections between individuals in a family are similar to those in natural environments, such as trees, reptiles, bees, ants, and mammals. For instance, the trees communicate and keep connections via mycorrhizal fungi that help them communicate through their roots. The worker bees and ants constantly communicate and perform their tasks, the calling of a species’ offspring and the mother’s attunement to respond. These are connections that determine the survival and longevity of the natural environment.

Similar connections are found through relationship interactions that shape the neural pathways, brain development, and gene functioning in non-animal species. That helps the non-animal species survive. The theory emphasizes the importance of these connections and how they impact our overall well-being.

Through this lens, I appreciate the family’s crucial role in shaping my life.

I believe the journey to becoming a self in any situation starts from its roots, and every human being’s roots start from the family they are born in and its connections to its more comprehensive network.

The family I was born into:

With an older sibling with a disability. I saw the efforts and resources my parents put into supporting my older sibling. They experienced more setbacks than success in my sister’s health outcomes. However, they “persevered” as the natural setting of parents’ attunement to offspring distress, and I grew up in this environment.

I ask this question :

Their strengths and resources were coming from somewhere?

The logical answer for me:

The meaningful connections between my parents’ sides and their extended family. The matriarch, my maternal grandmother, stepped up to become a support network, and I benefited the most.

The growing pains for me:

My disequilibrium amid the strength.

I became alert to physiological symptoms such as allergies and ear and gut problems in my early years. It coincided with my sensitivity to being outside my parental triangle, with my older sibling being on the inside. However, the historical, emotional note of “perseverance” dampened my parental reaction to my physiological symptoms, informing my perception of distress.

My reactions to curb the sensitivity to distress:

Learning of others’ discomfort or distress meant leaning into their worries to curb my sensitivity. I did what it took from an individual focus to deny this sensitivity, such as emotional distancing while leaning into the relationship, however, being physically present and focusing my energy on relationships. It did not take away my sensitivity. I felt depleted in my life energy and resources available for my mental well-being. I was not progressing, but my system was set to “persevere”‘.

The mismatch:

I could not resolve the internal imbalance and was symptomatic with allergies, ear and gut problems and the addition of menstrual concerns. My drop-of-the-hat reaction to my parent’s involvement with a third person, such as the support staff caring for my older sibling. It was a challenge.

My efforts as informed by Dr Bowen’s Family Systems theory:

Only with the willingness to accept the connections of my way of functioning and reaction to being on the outside of the triangle can I mitigate stress and anxiety. With significant trials and tribulations, I am learning that it is an intentional process.

The intentional process of:

1. Developing person-to-person relationships.
2. I am becoming a better observer and controlling my emotional reactivity, and while I hold my reactivity, I am keeping connected.
3. I am researching my own family’s emotional history of stressful situations.
4. I am learning to get out of my way when I perceive my sensitivity to being on the outside of a triangle.

Hence, the theory has informed me of the importance of these connections and how they impact my overall well-being. Through this lens, I appreciate the family’s crucial role in shaping my life. And this is my process of understanding myself, owning my responsibility, understanding my symptoms and doing something about it.

The coaches that led to the following breakthrough in my 12-year journey for me are:

Dr Linda MacKay( former)

Dr Jenny Brown( former)

Dr Carrie Collier(current)