Grieving is not time bound…
I have been told time is a big healer.
Is it because we get used to the person not being around?
Death has various reactions depending on the position of the person in the family.
What are some of the ways I have been grieving?
- I am asking the question, why did it happen?
- Anxious focus on activities that can take away the pain.
- Why not someone else?
- I am sensitive to expectations.
- I am becoming aware of my vulnerability and the difficulty in accepting my immaturity.
Death of a loved one, especially when one is on a journey of correcting the relationship with that person, can come as a harsh reality that time is limited and it waits for none.
A memory that sticks in my head is the last time I would see my mother. It was my birthday, and my father and I quarreled. We both chucked a tantrum and went on our way. Mother was not well; she tried her best to make amends, but the immaturity was high in Father and I.
It was evening, and still no resolution. Mother would always sit on her chair, and there she was. The memory stays with me: “Mother is sitting by herself with my daughter beside her. Mother was administering her medication.” I thought, “This might be my last connection with my mother, and I can’t be so full of myself, so I got up and went to her.” Then, I told myself she was essential to me and my maturity. From there on, I did not leave her sight until I left for Australia.
No one was at fault; the situation we all found ourselves in was new but stressful. We were all in pain knowing that Mother was unwell.
I am glad I was able to pull myself together.
What are my efforts to help myself after her death?
- I am contacting my father daily and talking to him about his day.
- Telling him I miss Mother a lot.
- I am getting curious about my extended family.
- I am learning about the patterns that emerge when we are stressed.
- I am getting supervision consistently.
- I am showing up regularly to my peer learning.
- I am searching for a higher, omnipresent universe.
- I listen to my mother’s last message to me, and I am waiting for when I will stop tearing up.
It is essential to take time to heal and make amends. The next generation will follow suit.
